I will never forget the day an Emirati girl that volunteered at the Expo 2020 in Dubai told me.

I wish Emirati men had this interesting outlook on matters in the modern world. You are so lucky. Your parents raised you to have an opinion and then go back and question it.

I found it funny. I said but didn’t everyone have an opinion!? I mean, it’s the fundamentals of being human.

And she said, not really. Most Emirati men don’t. They do not know how to have one. They learn to have one. And because they were never given the opportunity, they rarely question.

I thought it was hard to be a modern Emirati man for sure.

Legacy, after all, is more brutal to live up to day after day, and its accumulating weight in the form of tradition slowly gets heavier than any shoulder could carry.

I wondered what an expatriate in Dubai, the biggest city in terms of population in the United Arab Emirates, would feel moving here.

And why does it seem to me that men of the same age of either different Arab or other backgrounds living here as young professionals appear to be more developed emotionally and put together professionally than many Emirati men I encounter on a somehow daily basis. And have become more involved with culturally during national service.

The only ones that I felt were different and had a clear understanding of their leadership skills, possessed emotional maturity, and could articulate their needs and fight for their opinions either studied or lived abroad. Still, they were periodically not necessarily the best when it came to their knowledge of world issues and showed almost no form of passion for their career and personal development.

Could it be due to the traditional idea that, as Arab men from the GCC, we must conform to a cultural norm to live with our families and parents till marriage? Never really finding independence or formulating unbiased opinions.

And what is the implication of that on society? Could it be leading some of my generation of men to a case of “failure to launch”? Sometimes even after marriage.

It is common for parents to believe that a young couple needs emotional and financial support at the beginning of their marital relationship. So they would live with either parent. That used to be true in the past to many and a much less part of the population in the present. Men and Women are no longer married at the age of 15 as they were previously. Thus, do not require the care a teenager would need from a parent.

Statistics show that the average men and women marry after starting a career or graduating from university.

Guess the likelihood of that marriage passing the three-year mark?

I believe financially unstable men should not progress to a committed relationship anyways.

Because it is an important factor to ensure the success of any kind of relationship, marital or otherwise.

I have noticed, and it is no secret, that men of less favourable societal circumstances financially growing up do portray admirable examples of high resilience and adaptability more than others, whether in the workplace or their relationships, more than the average Emirati of the same age.

So I wondered, being an Arab man, outliving dead traditions that were sometimes never seen around us, and trying to live up to an imagined cultural norm by the often romanticised language of our elders on the average millennial male Emirati.

Fact: we have a nearly 50% divorce rate, mainly in marriages of less than three years.

Fact: within the Emirati society, we now have one of the most significant numbers of unwed women per eligible men ratio regionally and globally.

Fact: We have a society where the number of educated women is much higher than that of men. Sadly enough that in some countries in which, women are sometimes threatened or killed for demanding their right to an education. We have an Emirati society where more than 80% of female high school graduates finish their bachelor’s, and 50% receive postgraduate degrees.

Meanwhile, about 40% of male high school graduates choose not to pursue education after high school and choose a career they can follow without a degree. And only 20% of these would attempt to pursue a degree at a later stage in life.

Judging from my experience, I would never want to be an educated professional adult trying to explain the importance of diversity, politics or education, gender equality or any of the world’s pressing issues in conversation with a person I may or may not choose as a partner.

So, putting my feet in the shoe of an Emirati woman. How would I be expected to start a discussion on psychology, philosophy, art and children’s development with a partner I intend to marry? Or is already married too.

These are topics Millenials only have the freedom to explore and form an opinion on in university.

Yes, The modern world is changing every day, and globally culture and traditions are struggling to keep up with a world that demands more of everything. More connectivity, more communication, more collaboration, more money, more authority, more independence, more beauty, more housing, more jobs, and the list goes on and on.

Yet culture seems to be the only aspect that is supposed to evolve and has done so over time for Emirati women yet is the ailment hindering the progress of the Emirati Arab male. And if we progress on the same trajectory; we might be faced with the dilemma of adapt or die.

I took it upon myself to figure this out and maybe one day inspire others through experimental validating what is a cultural norm or tradition and what is no longer applicable or never was. And, why is it that in other societies that encourage independence, as harsh as it may be, and why does an expat of similar circumstances to me display a higher level of commitment to their careers and professional lives in comparison to the Emirati men of my age and very similar events? – that at even beyond the age of thirty, some feel either lost, trapped or unhappy in their own lives, either professionally or personally.

I found that my new job at the time, in Expo 2020 Dubai, my legal separation from my family, and my recent encounter with a mental illness diagnoses were the perfect reasons for me to kickstart figuring it out on my own.

Perhaps, I would find that the reason that some people are successful professionally and excel at what they do comes from a great set of genetic sequencing some Emirati men lack? Or maybe it is true that as much as we have developed as a nation in the past 50 years, we have not yet developed equally as a society culturally.

Could it be possible that in this modern world and especially in a city inhibited with people of the highest expectations across it’s diverse population. All in agreement that it provides the best in class services and facilities that the UAE and its people honour themselves to provide for everyone.

We have forgotten to teach it’s inhabitants of men about the importance of having expectations for ourselves, and to aim higher than you did yesterday.

Have our parents, domestic help, lack of proper socialisation beyond what is “traditionally” allowed hindered the progress of men in empathy, emotional development and the desire to aim higher for your own goals independently.

I truly believe we need to think of creating changes to what we consider is the definition of cultural tradition, and educate ourselves on what does it mean to be Emirati to ourselves?

Keeping in mind a modern Emirati man does not mean falling in love with multiple women or perhaps sometimes men at the time and letting go of one of them or all to make space for the one you are fated to wed to keep your mother and father happy. It also does not mean letting of the idea of an arranged marriage.

Some of the most beautiful marriages throughout history and the modern world flourished and created beautiful legacies that span generations, and were arranged.

Many Emirati men fail to advance in modern society because they have been conditioned to grasp the idea of transferring traditions through education and family structures in a country that has taken exponential leaps of growth unprecedented in history.

Saeed AlMheiri

However, I have concluded that many Emirati men fail to advance in modern society because they have been conditioned to grasp the idea of transferring traditions through education and family structures in a country that has evolved passed them through history.

Living with paternal or maternal figures that condition them to the comfort and affection of a home, never having to do laundry, or provide the time for you to find answers to any existential questions. Why would you when you possess the ability to have your own Google algorithm that will answer all your questions for you. A Crystal orb in the form of a caregiver that clearly shows you the answer as soon as you start to think It. Who to Marry? When to marry? What to drive? What is a taboo? What to eat? Where to go to school? Who to befriend? Who to judge? What is considered fair or dark skin? What is beauty? And the list goes on..

Nonetheless, I safely say the UAE society took exponential leaps of growth socioeconomically. Sadly leaving many young Emirati men behind, riddled with a tradition they have no notion about or how to navigate throughout.

All these possibilities could be just unfounded and untrue. Maybe success to any other person does not mean what It does to me. Yet, I needed to break free and find out what is hindering my emotional and professional development.

I wondered if I would reach my goals if I lived like an foreigner in Dubai for a year and forgot cultural barriers and ideas of tradition? Will I finally find out what it means to be successful to me and how can I get there reasonably and fairly. And how does a life of an expat living alone in Dubai mean to a person professionally and personally in terms of human needs and development?

I am excited to share that I learned so much about myself, my culture and society by fitting in it yet standing outside of it than I have ever learned at home, and I cannot wait to discuss findings of my past year’s story with you.