Why are my classmates not married yet?

The perception of marriage in the modern Emirati society and why men and woman marry older in life, and divorce younger.

When my father was in his mid-20’s he got married, by the time he was 30 he already had children, built a home, and started a business. This was not an extraordinary story, it was the norm. However, is it really the norm in our society today? Are we achieving these personal goals or are we prolonging the process just because we have more options? I took a minute to reflect on the goal of marriage, why is there an increasingly high number of unmarried Emirati women?

Judging oneself and society maybe a joyful hobby to some, especially in our society, doing so analytically and effectively is a very rare quality you may find in the modern Emirati man. As it is very clear for all of us what is right and what is wrong there seems to be a modern slight culture shift that demands us to do what we think is wrong when nobody is watching because every now and then it is okay.

For example, lets speak about marriage. It seems to be the ultimate goal every Arab man and woman would like to achieve, therefore developing this idea of the perfect family with a picture perfect life. The man off course has the perfect sports car, the perfectly groomed beard and a stepford wife with a shining Hollywood smile and an expensive handbag however the reality still remains that less Emirati’s are getting married everyday most choose to not marry until the age of 30 and above.

The reality of the matter is most Arab men are materialistic and rather spend all the money they earn on the sports car on the back of this picture perfect life rather than on a wife they may spend the rest of their lives with, due to the materialistic nature of the modern Arab man they believe that marriage is a very expensive long process that may actually hinder them down from achieving their socially affluent dreams, and is unnecessary given that they believe that the fake perception of an Emirati woman would be only interested in an expensive car, extremely well trimmed beard and a guy that could buy her an Hermes Birkin, or a Kelly depending on her taste off course.

When speaking to an educated Emirati about marriage the case of financial concerns, finding the right wife, the age factor, and future aspirations may arise. The truth of the matter is these problems arise because most probably the man you are speaking to just took a loan from a bank to buy a luxury car that indicates a certain lifestyle, a credit card to buy his girlfriend a birthday gift that goes with his wealthy persona and throw her a yacht party to go along with their lifestyles.

lest not forget, it is also completely acceptable for an Emirati man to marry a non-Emirati wife, which many do. But for an Emirati woman to do the same, is frowned upon.

This leads us to the blaming of the western ideals and perceptions the Emirati man has developed due to the media and influence from the west on our culture.

Many believe, that these men tend to view woman differently and hold different expectations and ideas of how a woman is supposed to behave, the men tend to forget that this woman you maybe exploiting before marriage is most probably someone’s sister, cousin, or future wife and when the time comes for an Emirati man to get married they would rather marry someone else that they have never met in their lives.

These western ideals infused into our culture through the west, go vice-versa as well. Many of the Emirati women I have spoken to lately are either disappointed with the men they marry and hold great false expectations about marriage. This only happens because they would want to do the things those men have already done with their previous, or maybe current partners and are now tired of going in the merry go round and would not want to step foot in the park to play, or commit.

I have found that the problem seems to be contrary to popular belief, the modern educated Emirati men and women seem to not dread the idea of traditional marriage, but actually lack a common healthy playground to meet each other and try the merry go round with healthy supervision and guidance overlooking them in order for them to not get dizzy and fall. In fact, the platforms for men and women to meet in the country are mainly limited to places with negative outcomes, views on marriage, and no supervision and guidance in order to possibly make these educated Emirati couples work together to achieve the healthy goal of marriage, or a healthy relationship built on trust, love and mutual support.

Parents of these men and woman would never approve of any sort of relationship between a man and a woman outside of marriage, therefore they always have the need to hide it rather than express it in a beneficial way, asking for guidance acceptance and support in the long run.